How Can Oprah Make OWN All Her OwnJanuary 05, 2012
OWN
Media savant T Tara Turk goes deep inside cable TV to reveal Video On Demand's Hidden Gems so even the busiest of our readers can get the most out of On Demand TV. Tell Tara what VOD shows you think deserves her attention.
How Can Oprah Make OWN All Her Own
The end of one year/beginning of another is always filled with reflection and then aspirations for the future. And that may happen with a few glasses of the bubbly, a hangover and an inability to recall exactly what wise words you spoke before but a deep seeded knowledge that you did, in fact, speak some wise words. I have a feeling that this happened triplefold over at the OWN offices. My version of events goes something like this:
Oprah: THIS MUST BE the network that saves lives!
Network Exec: You know what would save my life? Decluttering. A show about decluttering.
Oprah: THIS MUST BE the network that shows people they can truly become great!
Network Exec: Is this Korbel or Veuve? No matter. You know who’s great? Steve Tyler. I never know what he’s talking about on Idol and wonder if he even knows he’s on a show. Maybe we should ask him.
Oprah: THIS MUST BE the network that shows people they can better themselves through small acts.
Network Exec: I forgot to send out those Life Journals. Dammit.
Oprah: THIS network just showed me I miss audience members. I hate talking to myself.
Network Exec: You know who I talk to when I miss an audience? Rosie O’Donnell. The people skills that woman has...where’s the bathroom?
OWN
All of us Oprah stans (slang for fans for those of you who haven’t hit
your hip quota resolution yet) were so excited to find out we would
have a network that would finally merge our Oprah with her beloved
Oprah magazinethat literally is read with such intent that it leaves ink
mark on fingers(at least on mine).
Except that didn’t happen.
What did happen is that OWN couldn’t quite figure out that we were looking for that equation. We need Oprah + Oprah Magazine in order for things to = successful network. Oprah, the world’s ultimate lifestyle sales person (step aside, Martha and Apple), can sell ice to Eskimos. Her magazine? It’s an adult woman’s Toys R Us Christmas catalog. From fashion experts, decorating, literature, famous people sounding smarter than usual and recipes, that book will turn you into the Oprah of your own life and household. You can be Oprah! OWN Execs, are you listening? You already have the manual. You just gotta read it!
Do away with the Undercover Boss episodes. Watching the Hooter’s CEO work odd jobs in his company once is enough. Extreme Clutter exists already. It’s called Hoarders. The Rosie Show? The last one had the Commodores as special guests. Ambush Cook? Are you kidding? Oprah is about to have a two hour conversation with Paula Deen on The Next Chapter and you want me to watch Ambush Cook? You can’t go wrong with Lisa Ling and Oprah so at least we have two shows that are solid. And there’s a new documentary about some Chicago students and poetry that MIGHT be of interest to more than just me and my friends. The jury is out on that one. And I hear the Sweetie Pies reality show that follows the famous St. Louis soul food family is a hit. I would call it a soft landing as opposed to a hit but it is watchable.
I’m no Network Exec (though I can be one for the right price, Oops...call me!) but here’s what I suggest:
Grab your famous friends: Oprah, you’ve talked to everyone in the world just about. Like none of them would turn you down for a special presentation. Get Gwyneth to talk about anything food or exercise related (since that’s apparently all she does). Get Tom Brady to give us a tour of his new million trillion dollar solar pad he has with Giselle. Get Jenna Lyons from J. Crew to give us a tour of J. Crew or do a show on the retail industry (see but do not copy All On The Line from Sundance Channel). Get yourselves together!
Interstitial: Not used nearly enough. HBO uses The Buzz and Sesame Street started it all. Both of these brands seem to be doing fine. Why not use those little sections from the magazine “If you have five minutes, you must do this...”, “If you have five days, you must do this...” etc? You ALREADY printed it!
Dinner Parties: IFC’s Dinner with Friends with Jon Favreau cost nothing and was hit. Five random people having dinner with some of the Oprah entourage. I’d even watch Gail have dinner with some people. We all read about Oprah’s parties. Why can’t we watch one? Just no smoking.
I have others but I require a commission after three suggestions. Let’s leave it with this. Most people would kill to have Oprah’s life. Make it so they don’t have to. Just show it on your channel.
T. Tara Turk is a novelist/playwright/screenwriter, living in LA with her boyfriend and dog - all three successful TV addicts. You can find her at www.ttaraturk.com or follow her on Twitter @ttaraturk.
