On Demand Weekly provides new movie reviews of hot movies on demand and from the POV of watching from the comfort of your home. Today’s review: THEY’RE OUT OF THE BUSINESS (IFC Films).
THEY’RE OUT OF THE BUSINESS Looks For Biz On Demand
By Chris Claro
Return with us now to those thrilling days of yesteryear, the early 90s, when the indie film sandbox was filled with boys named Quentin, Kevin, Spike, and of course, Eric. “Eric who?” you ask. Why, Eric Schaeffer, of course. The heir apparent to Woody Allen – in his own fevered imagination, anyway – Schaeffer’s niche was the New York-based comedy, in which the lovably neurotic, Upper West Side Jew, almost always portrayed by Schaeffer, contemplated life, love, and his own supposedly rakish charm.
In his maiden directorial effort, MY LIFE’S IN TURNAROUND, Schaeffer co-starred with Donal Lardner Ward as two Manhattan slackers who attempt to make a movie. In their early thirties when they made the film, Schaeffer and Ward tapped into the pre-millennial zeitgeist trying to bring their vision to the screen on a wing and an Amex card.
Flash forward to 2011; Schaeffer has made a career out of oh-so-talky films in which he plays a thinly-veiled version of himself – and he seems to keep writing, directing and starring so that he can make out with the likes of Sarah Jessica Parker and Amanda de Cadenet. Ward has had a patchwork career of writing and directing with and without Schaeffer.
Each seems to have found a hole in his schedule big enough to revisit their TURNAROUND characters of Splick and Jason in THEY’RE OUT OF THE BUSINESS. Nearly twenty years later, the two former wunderkinds have hit hard times, but Splick, at least, feels they have one more movie in them and sets out to convince his buddy help realize the dream.
The problem with THEY’RE OUT OF THE BUSINESS is that Splick and Jason, who were somewhat charming in their thirties, are borderline pathetic as they push fifty. Their endless, self-absorbed chatter about failed relationships and broken dreams is less whimsical than it is sad.
The chatter, about women, movies, and the nature of life is interminably witless, and it results in Schaeffer and Ward overstaying their welcome about ten minutes into the ninety-minute affair. Whether it’s Splick expounding on the joys of bigger women or Jason pining for a long-ago ex, the characters, as written by the stars, are the worst – and most boring – kind of stereotypes: self-involved creative types who are more interested in talking about creating than in doing so.
Two guys pounding the pavement and carping about life’s quirks and injustices isn’t necessarily a bad thing – God knows, Kevin Smith has visited that well once or twice. But when as much of that chatter focuses on the big questions like “why won’t somebody give us money for our movie,” or “why can’t I get laid,” and those questions are being asked by a pair of guys pushing AARP age, the whole thing ends up better suited to someone’s blog than a feature film.
While Ward’s blandness is inoffensive, Schaeffer’s narcissistic yammering is thoroughly obnoxious. One would think that twenty years on, Splick would have gained a measure of self-awareness, maybe even a dollop of maturity. But childless, jobless, and dateless, Splick is a man-child of the heinous stripe, with his charisma as thin as his hairline.
It’s sad to say that THEY’RE OUT OF THE BUSINESS is a big fat loser, particularly since Schaeffer has somehow been able to stay fairly prolific over the past two decades. Clearly, DVD and VOD, with their voracious hunger for product, have been manna from heaven for a niche guy like Schaeffer.
Unfortunately, like a lot of his work, the film seems to be more Schaeffer’s personal indulgence than a vehicle to entertain and compel audiences. Someday, Eric Schaeffer might make a movie designed with those things in mind. Until then, we can only hope he stays out of the business.
- Chris Claro
Chris Claro is a contributing writer to On Demand Weekly. He is a former Director of Promotion for Sundance Channel and now works as a writer, producer, and media educator. He is a regular contributor to dvdverdict.com and contributor to the Eyes and Ears section of huffingtonpost.com
THEY'RE OUT OF BUSINESS is available on IFC FILMS on your cable systerm's Movies On Demand section.
See Chris' Other Reviews...
THE MAN FROM NOWHERE - DEMAND IT
PEEP WORLD - SKIP IT
VANISHING ON 7TH STREET - SKIP IT
COLD WEATHER - DEMAND IT
SEPTIEN - RISK IT
THE MOST DANGEROUS MAN IN AMERICA: DANIEL ELLSBERG AND THE PENTAGON PAPERS - DEMAND IT
INHALE - RISK IT
XXY - DEMAND IT
HEARTLESS - RISK IT
