I’M STILL HERE - On Demand TodaySeptember 24, 2010


I’M STILL HERE - On Demand Today

Magnolia Pictures

On Demand Weekly provides new movie reviews of hot movies on demand from the POV of watching from the comfort of your home. Today’s review: I'M STILL HERE.
Email John Werner


Reality TV has been with us for a long time, and will likely be around for the duration. Audiences like it and it’s relatively cheap to make. So why not make a reality movie?

Apparently, Casey Affleck and Joaquin Phoenix are so impressed by the Kim Kardashians and Snookis of the world that they decided to squander their talent and make I’M STILL HERE. The film, we are supposed to believe, documents Mr. Phoenix’s retirement from acting and failed attempt at a hip hop career.

Casey Affleck
Casey Affleck (Magnolia)

When I invited my friend Dan to join me for the I’M STILL HERE screening he begged off by asking, “Why would I go see a movie about a movie actor who’s acting like he doesn’t want to act any more?” (This from a man who thinks JACKASS 2 is great classic cinema.) Well Dan, I can’t answer that question, even after seeing the movie and even after seeing Joaquin Phoenix on “Late Show with David Letterman” Wednesday  night.

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Who Made Your Favorite TIM AND ERIC’S BILLION DOLLAR MOVIE Pledge?February 01, 2012


Who Made Your Favorite TIM AND ERIC’S BILLION DOLLAR MOVIE Pledge?

Magnolia Pictures

If you haven't heard by now, Tim and Eric are taking their act from the small screen to the silver screen with their movie TIM AND ERIC'S BILLION DOLLAR MOVIE (Magnolia). It is available in theaters on March 2nd, but is available on demand now.

 

In an effort to make as many people know, Tim and Eric are asking people to take the following pledge.

 

 

They're asking people to:

- see the film with a family member or friend.

- in a theater within 50 miles of their location, or on demand if can't be seen in theater (BTW - it's not in theaters until 3/2/12, but on demand now!).

- tell a minimum of four people about B$M.

- not to Bit Torrent B$M

- and don't see THE LORAX.

 

Kudos to Tim and Eric for a clever way to spread word about the film and has resulted in positives pledges from some notable actors & personalities. Tweet or Facebook us which you like the most.

 

Ben Stiller

 

Paul Rudd

 

Natasha Leggero

 

Elijah Wood

 

Andy Samberg and Rashida Jones

 

Al Yankovic

 


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Yahoo! Originals And Ben Stiller Throws Hose Into Dating Serial Fire With BURNING LOVEJune 12, 2012


Yahoo! Originals And Ben Stiller Throws Hose Into Dating Serial Fire With BURNING LOVE

Burning Love (Yahoo! Originals)

ABC's "The Bachelorette" is back this summer with its umpteenth season. Wait, how many couiples have lasted so far? But before you give up on the dating serial,  Yahoo! Originals throws its hose into the fire with the premiere of "Burning Love," executive produced by Ben Stiller. Sure it's scripted, but with Ken Marino, Michael Ian Black and the funniest comediennes taking their turn as marriage material to a TV hunk, it's more entertaining.

 

While every other bentertainment publication has "The Bachelorette" covered, On Demand Weekly's dating show expert Kate Asche Wilson will breakdown each episode as if she were right there in the mansion. 

 

Episode 1:
He’s used to feeling the heat of fire, but now he’s looking for someone to ignite the flames of love.

 


Burning Love (Yahoo! Originals)

From the hilarious mind of Ben Stiller comes “Burning Love,” A perfectly inappropriate parody of “The Bachelor.” Ken Marino (ROLE MODELS, WANDERLUST) stars as our bachelor Mark Orlando; a fireman who’s looking for someone that can make him laugh, but isn’t afraid of robots.

We begin Mark’s journey with Bill Tundle (Michael Ian Black), host and closest poet, at the “Burning Love” mansion. Here we are introduced to the sixteen bachelorettes. Dental Hygienists, grandmas, the blind, and a mysteries woman in a panda suit are just some of the woman vying for a shot at love with Mark. But only one lucky lady will receive the final hose.

 


Burning Love (Yahoo! Originals)

I fully admit that I watch the real Bachelor religiously, and enjoy it for its ridiculousness and Chris Harrison. “Burning Love” is the perfect parody, and squeezes everything I adore about The Bachelor into eight minutes. I don’t know how she does it, but writer Erica Oyama captures the absurdity and awesomeness of televised dating perfectly. Someone get that girl a hose!

Crying, lying, cursing, suicidal thoughts, screaming, shouting, drinking, no pants, no class, and Ken Jeong make this web series into everything I want it to be. Trust me if you love or hate "The Bachelor" you will not regret watching this.


Will you join me and follow Mark in his quest to find someone to be his wife. Or at least his fiancé for a little while? Do it. Do it for true love!

 


Burning Love (Yahoo! Originals)


Episode 2:

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BURNING LOVE - Can The Ladies Win Mark’s Hose With Laughter?June 13, 2012


BURNING LOVE - Can The Ladies Win Mark’s Hose With Laughter?

Burning Love (Yahoo! Originals)

ABC's "The Bachelorette" is back this summer with its umpteenth season. Wait, how many couiples have lasted so far? But before you give up on the dating serial,  Yahoo! Originals throws its hose into the fire with the premiere of "Burning Love," executive produced by Ben Stiller. Sure it's scripted, but with Ken Marino, Michael Ian Black and the funniest comediennes taking their turn as marriage material to a TV hunk, it's more entertaining.

 

While every other bentertainment publication has "The Bachelorette" covered, On Demand Weekly's dating show expert Kate Asche Wilson will breakdown each episode as if she were right there in the mansion. 

 


 

Episode 4:


I’m pretty sure stand-up comedy is a sin.

Episode four of “Burning Love” begins with us following Mark and the bachelorettes on their first group date at a comedy club. On the real Bachelor comedy club group dates usually end in tears. This one only ends in hilarity.

 


Burning Love (Yahoo! Originals)


The lucky bachelorette who wins Mark over with her comedic timing will win the group date hose, and a special bubble bath date with Mark. Now who wouldn’t want that ladies?

From lesbian humor to gum wrapper jokes each lady proves herself to be just as funny as they are classy. However, it’s religious Mandy (played by the sloth loving magical woman that is Kristen Bell) that surprises us with her comedic chops.

 

Even Mark is blown away by her cult references

and Adam and Eve penis jokes.

 

Amen Kristen. Amen.

Although Mandy was clearly the funniest Mark decides that he’s going to give the hose to the monkey-hearted other Tamara. Seriously Mark? I call bullshit. Mandy clearly deserves that hose and you know it! It’s a good thing Paul Sheer makes a guest appearance at your extremely personal bubble bath date or I would have given up on you right then and there.

My prediction:

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BURNING LOVE: Episode 5 - My Favorite PsychopathsJune 15, 2012


BURNING LOVE: Episode 5 - My Favorite Psychopaths

Burning Love (Yahoo! Originals)

 

ABC's "The Bachelorette" is back this summer with its umpteenth season. Wait, how many couiples have lasted so far? But before you give up on the dating serial,  Yahoo! Originals throws its hose into the fire with the premiere of "Burning Love," executive produced by Ben Stiller. Sure it's scripted, but with Ken Marino, Michael Ian Black and the funniest comediennes taking their turn as marriage material to a TV hunk, it's more entertaining.

 

While every other bentertainment publication has "The Bachelorette" covered, On Demand Weekly's dating show expert Kate Asche Wilson will breakdown each episode as if she were right there in the mansion. 

 

 

It’s only episode five, and things are really starting to heat up at the “Burning Love mansion. In order to jam pack the most amount of insanity into nine minutes we find Mark and his bachelorettes on their second group date. What says personal connection more than a half naked pool party?


Pool time in the real Bachelor usually means

backstabbing girl talk and sensitive bro bonding.

 

For Mark it means a chance to see a little butt cleavage. He cozies up to Titi, and shares an intimate moment with Annie, but it’s Lexie who really captivates his attention with her unwanted stalking.

Played by the creepily fantastic Beth Dover, Lexie in this episode proves herself to be completely bat shit crazy. From her subtle threats to her gentle shoulder kisses Lexie is quickly becoming one of my new favorite psychopaths.

Although I’m Lexie’s biggest fan I do understand Mark’s reservations for giving her the group date hose. Her instability would most definitely end in his death. Annie is the much safer choice, and despite her awful baking skills Mark picks her. Lexie retaliates by haphazardly throwing inflatable rafts around the pool area. That’s typical my first reaction too.

 

Annie, Mark / Burning Love (Yahoo! Originals)

 

Prediction: 

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BURNING LOVE: Episode 6 - How Far Will Agnes Go?June 19, 2012


BURNING LOVE: Episode 6 - How Far Will Agnes Go?

Burning Love (Yahoo! Originals)

ABC's "The Bachelorette" is back this summer with its umpteenth season. Wait, how many couiples have lasted so far? But before you give up on the dating serial,  Yahoo! Originals throws its hose into the fire with the premiere of "Burning Love," executive produced by Ben Stiller. Sure it's scripted, but with Ken Marino, Michael Ian Black and the funniest comediennes taking their turn as marriage material to a TV hunk, it's more entertaining.

 

While every other bentertainment publication has "The Bachelorette" covered, On Demand Weekly's dating show expert Kate Asche Wilson will breakdown each episode as if she were right there in the mansion. 

 


 
Episode 6 - I’m looking for someone with real “deepiness” 

Episode six of “Burning Love” takes us on Mark’s second one on one date. After Hayley stole his heart with her alcoholism and unconsciousness, Mark feels confident in his group of bachelorettes, and that he soon will find true love. So who gets the chance to steal Mark’s heart this episode? None other than geriatric Agnes.

At first I was certain that Agnes was going to be one of the first bachelorettes that Mark sent home. Their chance at a future is highly unlikely as Agnes suffers from Alzheimer’s and is close to death. However, their connection has kept her in the competition, and Mark wants to use this date to find out if their already blossoming relationship can turn into something more.
 
 


Agnes, played by Helen Slayton-Hughes, has balls. She’s about four times older than any of the other women in the house, but that hasn’t stopped her from dominating Mark’s attention.
 
She’s pretty much the baddest bitch around,
and has proven herself to be a serious contender
for the final hose.

Mark has planned an incredibly special one on one date with Agnes and her forty-year-old son. It’s important for Mark to see if he can really become a part of Agnes’ family and be a great bonus dad for her son Hershel. Although the date is filled with swings, bubbles, and shoulder rides Mark struggles with the fact that it might be harder for him to fit into Agnes’ life than he originally thought.

My Prediction:
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BURNING LOVE: Episode 7 - I Haven’t Been In Love In Like 17 MonthsJune 23, 2012


BURNING LOVE: Episode 7 - I Haven’t Been In Love In Like 17 Months

Burning Love (Yahoo! Originals)

ABC's "The Bachelorette" is back this summer with its umpteenth season. Wait, how many couiples have lasted so far? But before you give up on the dating serial,  Yahoo! Originals throws its hose into the fire with the premiere of "Burning Love," executive produced by Ben Stiller. Sure it's scripted, but with Ken Marino, Michael Ian Black and the funniest comediennes taking their turn as marriage material to a TV hunk, it's more entertaining.

 

While every other bentertainment publication has "The Bachelorette" covered, On Demand Weekly's dating show expert Kate Asche Wilson will breakdown each episode as if she were right there in the mansion. 

 


 
Episode 7: Thank you for the opportunity to love you.

After Agnes’ shocking elimination last episode I wondered if Mark could ever fully recover from his distressing decision to let her go. Luckily a group date is on the horizon, and what better way to soothe Marks aching heart than with a bunch of dumb sluts trying to roller skate.


The real Bachelor roller rink dates usually endin joyous laughter
while “Can’t Fight This Feeling” plays over the loudspeaker.
This one ends in deportation and pregnancy. 
 
 
From the minute Julie, played by the gorgeous and hilarious June Diane Raphael, stepped out of the limo she captured Mark’s heart with her inability to remember quotes. Her overbearing nature kick started their developing relationship, but it’s the roller rink group date that really gets Mark thinking: Could she be the one?

Unfortunately an intense fear of roller rinks due to a deported Italian ex-finance tends to put a damper on true love. Mark, being the good guy that he is, can see past Julie’s past, and convinces her that although roller skating brings up terrible memories, conquering her fear is the only way she can move forward.

Their blissful roller skating happiness is brought to a screeching halt as Vivien goes into labor. Mark discovers that Vivien is pregnant, the girls rethink their methods of birth control, and Tim the medic considers going into a different profession.

My Prediction:
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BURNING LOVE: Episode 8 - She Broke A Rule And Mark’s HeartJune 26, 2012


BURNING LOVE: Episode 8 - She Broke A Rule And Mark’s Heart

ABC's "The Bachelorette" is back this summer with its umpteenth season. Wait, how many couiples have lasted so far? But before you give up on the dating serial,  Yahoo! Originals throws its hose into the fire with the premiere of "Burning Love," executive produced by Ben Stiller. Sure it's scripted, but with Ken Marino, Michael Ian Black and the funniest comediennes taking their turn as marriage material to a TV hunk, it's more entertaining.

 

While every other bentertainment publication has "The Bachelorette" covered, On Demand Weekly's dating show expert Kate Asche Wilson will breakdown each episode as if she were right there in the mansion. 

 

 

BURNING LOVE: Episode 8 - She Broke A Rule And Mark’s Heart
 
It wasn’t really about picking the right one. It was about picking one. Eventually.

Will Mark ever find true love? I ask myself this as I cry, clutching a box of tissues, morning the loss of one of the greatest bachelorettes in television history. Mark I know she cheated on you, but if Emily can forgive Arie for going on two dates with a producer you can forgive Hayley for the seven or so guys she slept with! It’s basically the same situation.

My own personal feelings aside I can understand why Mark sent Hayley home. She most definitely has Herpes. But it still doesn’t make me feel any better for him. His journey has been so emotionally taxing, and naked shenanigans that don’t involve him cannot be tolerated in the Bachelor world.
 
 


In this emotionally revealing eighth episode of “Burning Love” Marks true pain and suffering is clear to the audience for the first time. But it’s not the four hours of inappropriate footage, backstabbing, and potential lawsuits that tip us off. No....
 
It’s the fact that Mark angrily takes off his mic pack.
The universal sign that shit is about to get real.

Luckily for us a wild Ben Stiller appears, and Mark is set back on the path to love with an open heart and a lovely paisley robe.

My Prediction: 
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BURNING LOVE: Episode 9 - Are You Ready To Not Have Fun?July 02, 2012


BURNING LOVE: Episode 9 - Are You Ready To Not Have Fun?

Burning Love (Yahoo! Originals)

ABC's "The Bachelorette" is back this summer with its umpteenth season. Wait, how many couiples have lasted so far? But before you give up on the dating serial,  Yahoo! Originals throws its hose into the fire with the premiere of "Burning Love," executive produced by Ben Stiller. Sure it's scripted, but with Ken Marino, Michael Ian Black and the funniest comediennes taking their turn as marriage material to a TV hunk, it's more entertaining.

 

While every other bentertainment publication has "The Bachelorette" covered, On Demand Weekly's dating show expert Kate Asche Wilson will breakdown each episode as if she were right there in the mansion. 

 


BURNING LOVE: Episode 9 - Are You Ready To Not Have Fun?
 
I have to know that the woman I end up with doesn’t get fat one day.

We open episode nine at the “Burning Love” mansion where in between sexual tension pillow fights and delicious homemade breakfast Mark is able to pick two women to take on the dreaded two on one date. For those of you new to Bachelor world there is only one hose that can be given out on a two on one date, and it’s monkey hearted other Tamara and her best friend in the house, lesbian Carly, that must fight each other to win Mark’s affection.

I’ve never been a real fan of monkey hearted other Tamara, played by Deanna Russo. I know what your thinking audience, and no, it’s not because I discriminate against people with monkey hearts. Don’t worry! It’s because of her complete lack of personality. I definitely am rooting for lesbian Carly, played by the fantastic Janet Varney, to steal Mark’s heart and win this hose. She might be in love with women, but she’s got spunk.

On the two on one date Mark has the girls compete for his love with exercise. The incredibly motivating, and not terrifying at all, personal trainer Brock Glencoe makes a guest appearance to whip the girls into shape, and make them feel awful about themselves.

Carly is a WNBA assistant coach so she definitely has the advantage on this date.
 
It also doesn’t help that Tamara’s monkey heart
makes it impossible for her to exert herself physically.
 
She tries to make it work, saying that love is more important than breathing, but a visit from Tim the medic solidifies the fact that in the end her heart just can’t take it.
 
My Prediction: 
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BURNING LOVE: Episode 10 - The Final FourJuly 16, 2012


BURNING LOVE: Episode 10 - The Final Four

Burning Love (Yahoo! Originals)

ABC's "The Bachelorette" is back this summer with its umpteenth season. Wait, how many couiples have lasted so far? But before you give up on the dating serial,  Yahoo! Originals throws its hose into the fire with the premiere of "Burning Love," executive produced by Ben Stiller. Sure it's scripted, but with Ken Marino, Michael Ian Black and the funniest comediennes taking their turn as marriage material to a TV hunk, it's more entertaining.

 

While every other bentertainment publication has "The Bachelorette" covered, On Demand Weekly's dating show expert Kate Asche Wilson will breakdown each episode as if she were right there in the mansion. 

 


BURNING LOVE: Episode 9 - The Final Four

We are now down to the last four women in the race for Mark’s heart, and I am as emotionally invested in Mark’s journey as men are in Cosmo. Mark has already sent home an array of slightly unhinged potential soul mates, but it’s homeless Willow, well endowed Titi, sweet Annie, and lesbian Carly that remain. I am confident in Mark’s final women, and have no doubt that this will end in a long lasting relationship or at the very least a Kardashian style divorce.

In episode ten Mark and the girls find themselves on their very last group date. Fittingly Mark has planned a lovely philanthropic outing where everyone is going to help build a house through Homeless No Mo. On the philanthropy scale Homeless No Mo is right below the Peace Corps.

Homeless Willow, played by the wonderful Malin Ackerman, really takes to this group date, and even runs into her old pal formerly homeless Phil! They reconnect over a fateful pepper spray incident, and we bask in the joys of friendship.

However, the woman that truly stands out on this group date is Titi. It is revealed on this episode that Titi suffers from an intense fear of the homeless. With this kind of serious condition it is so meaningful that she is able to overcome her fear, and show her true dedication to Mark. I was not surprised at all when Mark gave the group date hose to her even though he shared some glorious head nuzzles with lesbian Carly.

In the end it was homeless Willow that Mark decided to send home. There was no devastation or man tears like on the real Bachelor. No. Willow took it like a champ, and left with free bagels. Really, that’s all that matters.

My Prediction:
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BURNING LOVE: Episode 11 - Hometown DatesJuly 16, 2012


BURNING LOVE: Episode 11 - Hometown Dates

Burning Love (Yahoo! Originals)

ABC's "The Bachelorette" is back this summer with its umpteenth season. Wait, how many couiples have lasted so far? But before you give up on the dating serial,  Yahoo! Originals throws its hose into the fire with the premiere of "Burning Love," executive produced by Ben Stiller. Sure it's scripted, but with Ken Marino, Michael Ian Black and the funniest comediennes taking their turn as marriage material to a TV hunk, it's more entertaining.

 

While every other bentertainment publication has "The Bachelorette" covered, On Demand Weekly's dating show expert Kate Asche Wilson will breakdown each episode as if she were right there in the mansion. 

 

 

BURNING LOVE: Episode 11 - Hometown Dates

 

I think I’m contractually obligated to propose to somebody.

Hometown dates! Oh how I love hometown dates. Seeing the horrified faces of all your family members when you tell them you’ve fallen in love with a douchebag on national TV. Nothing can ever replace that.

In episode eleven of “Burning Love” Mark visits the families of his three remaining bachelorettes. On the real Bachelor hometowns are always the best episodes because you can see the progression from “I’ll love her forever, and we’ll run in fields of daisies together” to “Holy shit no”. “Burning Love” captures the true essence of this, and we find Mark in an even bigger pickle than he was in before.

The first family Mark meets is Annie’s. He starts out strong by unapologetically insulting both her Mother and Father, but really shines when he forgets Annie’s name when talking with her brother. Annie admits that she is worried how her brother, Jake Pavelka, will react to Mark, and this whole crazy process. Why is she so worried audience? Maybe we should ask Vienna.

After Mark sparkles on his hometown with Annie he now must win over Titi’s family. Luckily Mark admits to her family that he is falling in love with her (as well as the two other women) and that puts their fears to rest. Unfortunately Titi expresses her concerns with lesbian Carly, and Mark does not appreciate her candidness. On the real Bachelor when a bachelorette expresses concerns because someone in the house has conflicting feelings, or is a slut, they get kicked off the show. At least Mark got a Rolex out of it! Winning.

The last family Mark is introduced too is Carly’s. Mo Gaffney (That 70’s show) guest stars as Carly’s mother who is brash and insensitive to Carly, but can truly see that she has really fallen for Mark. Carly is a lesbian, and has not fallen for Mark. These are lies.

Shockingly, to no one, Titi is sent home. Complaining about a fellow bachelorette is the kiss of death Titi. Shame on you for not knowing that.

My Prediction:

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BURNING LOVE: Episode 12 - Fire In The FirehouseJuly 16, 2012


BURNING LOVE: Episode 12 - Fire In The Firehouse

ABC's "The Bachelorette" is back this summer with its umpteenth season. Wait, how many couiples have lasted so far? But before you give up on the dating serial,  Yahoo! Originals throws its hose into the fire with the premiere of "Burning Love," executive produced by Ben Stiller. Sure it's scripted, but with Ken Marino, Michael Ian Black and the funniest comediennes taking their turn as marriage material to a TV hunk, it's more entertaining.

 

While every other bentertainment publication has "The Bachelorette" covered, On Demand Weekly's dating show expert Kate Asche Wilson will breakdown each episode as if she were right there in the mansion. 

 


It would be like Christmas everyday.

I just can’t, Mark. I just can’t anymore. It’s like you’re purposefully trying to stomp on my heart. Can you please stop making shitty decisions? I did believe in you once, but I’m not so sure now. Why must you make me question you? WHY? Dammit Mark my happiness is much more important than your personal preferences!

On this heartbreaking episode of “Burning Love” Mark takes Annie and Carly to the firehouse where he introduces them to his lovely best friend Jay. Jay is a woman, and clearly is in love with Mark, but he is to blind to see it. I was rooting for Jay. She seemed to have a good head on her shoulders, and is not a lesbian. Unfortunately, tragedy strikes when a wayward fire appears out of nowhere and Jay sacrifices herself for the good of humanity.

She didn’t even get to say she loved you, and you just drove off to sushi like it was no big thing! I hope you get a flaming case of Chlamydia.

My Prediction: 
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BURNING LOVE: Episode 14 - Hosed Off: After The Final HoseJuly 20, 2012


BURNING LOVE: Episode 14 - Hosed Off: After The Final Hose

Burning Love (Yahoo! Originals)

ABC's "The Bachelorette" is back this summer with its umpteenth season. Wait, how many couiples have lasted so far? But before you give up on the dating serial,  Yahoo! Originals throws its hose into the fire with the premiere of "Burning Love," executive produced by Ben Stiller. Sure it's scripted, but with Ken Marino, Michael Ian Black and the funniest comediennes taking their turn as marriage material to a TV hunk, it's more entertaining.

 

While every other entertainment publication has "The Bachelorette" covered, On Demand Weekly's dating show expert Kate Asche Wilson will breakdown each episode as if she were right there in the mansion. 

 

 
 
BURNING LOVE: Episode 14 - Hosed Off: After The Final Hose
 
We all signed up for this show. We’re all whores.

It’s after the final hose, and what an adventure it has been. I’ve followed Mark, to the point of obsession, as he romanced fourteen different ladies, and found that despite his obvious idiocy I wanted him to find love. In this season there has been heartbreak, tears, exposed vaginas, stalking, the homeless, big boobs, baked goods, and even death. Nothing could have prepared me for the emotional intensity of televised romance, but I am grateful that I went on this journey with Mark, and thank him for making me believe in love again.
 


The After The Final Hose special brings all the rejected Bachelorettes together to come face to face with each other and the man who rejected them unapologetically on national television. Imagine putting all of your past lovers in a tiny room in front of an audience, and getting personally berated for all of your bad decisions. It’s like Six Flags but with feelings.

Mark had the pleasure to be placed in this situation, and boy does he handle it with the upmost class and finesse. In attendance is almost every woman he has personally scorned this past season including stalker Lexie, lesbian Carly, overly attached Julie, monkey hearted other Tamara, and my personal favorite; pant-less Hayley. Host Bill begins the happy reminiscence with embarrassing footage of the bachelorettes so they truly understand the severity of the mistakes they made this season. 
 
 
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The Top 15 Lines From Ben Stiller & Ken Marino’s BURNING LOVEAugust 01, 2012


The Top 15 Lines From Ben Stiller & Ken Marino’s BURNING LOVE

Burning Love (Yahoo! Originals)

 

While every other entertainment publication has "The Bachelorette" covered, On Demand Weekly's dating show expert Kate Asche Wilson will breakdown each episode as if she were right there in the mansion. 

 

 
 
BURNING LOVE: The Top 15 Lines
 
Nothing is better than a good quote and “Burning Love” was riddled with inappropriately memorable ones each and every episode. Because I love you guys so much I’ve decided to compile a list of my top fifteen favorite quotes in order of hilarity.

15. “ He’s use to feeling the heat of fire, but now he’s looking for someone to ignite the flames of love.” –Random Mysterious Narrator

14. “I’m looking for someone with real deepiness.” –Mark Orlando

13. “ I never expected you to last this long.” – Mark Orlando

12. “I’m going to see who has the biggest heart. I already know who has the biggest boobs.” – Mark Orlando

11. “I have told women that I love them, but I didn’t mean It.” – Mark Orlando

10. “There’s a good chance she could be the one. If not not the one.” – Mark Orlando

9. “I feel like the luckiest guy in the world. Or a Mormon.” – Mark Orlando

8. “I have to know that the woman I end up with doesn’t get fat one day.” – Mark Orlando

7. “We all signed up for this show. We’re all whores.” – Vivian

6. “I’m pretty sure stand-up comedy is a sin.” – Mandy

5. “I think I’m contractually obligated to propose to somebody.” – Mark Orlando

4. “Spoiler Alert: They spoke English.” – Mark Orlando

3. “Thank you for the opportunity to love you.” – Vivian

2. “It wasn’t really about picking the right one. It was about picking one. Eventually.” – Joe
Rutherford, previous “Burning Love” bachelor

1. “Fire is so annoying!” – Mark Orlando
 
 

- Kate Asche Wilson

 

Kate
Kate Asche Wilson is a new contributing writer to On Demand Weekly. She is a graduate from the Dodge College of Film and Media Arts at Chapman University where she received a BA in Screenwriting. In her spare time Kate likes to take long walks on the beach, and watch telenovelas. Follow her on Twitter @KATEDOESLIFE!

 

You can find "Burning Love" on Yahoo.

 

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New Movies On Demand Preview - For Babes: November 2012November 01, 2012


New Movies On Demand Preview - For Babes: November 2012

On Demand Weekly's Kate Wilson (@KateDoesLife) goes through all the new  movies each month for her New Movies On Demand Preview - For Babes.

 

MOVIES ON DEMAND

Kate’s Top Movies On Demand For The Babes

 

Kate
By Kate Asche Wilson
 
November. Such a beautiful month. Fall is in the air, the leaves are a beautiful orange color, and there’s a 50% sale on boots at DSW. Nothing is better than November. Pumpkin spiced lattes are back at Starbucks, and literally you are unstoppable. Early holiday shopping is already underway and you are ready to attack the mall on black Friday and destroy any fool who gets in your way. It’s a family filled mess of wonderful until New Years, and this is just the beginning. Now when you’re tired from shopping, working, and being absolutely amazing you deserve to sit back, relax, and put on a nice Movie on Demand. It’s November. You deserve it!
 
Top On Demand Films For Us, The Babes:
 
 
BRAVE - Premieres November 13
Pixar does it again with this girl power film that will have you planning world domination while blasting the inspirational sounds of Pat Benatar. Our protagonist is Princess Merida; a saucy red head that should really get an Herbal Essences endorsement. As custom states she is to be married off in a ritual called the Highland Games. Determined to change her fate Merida uses her archery skills to win her own hand causing chaos amongst the Scottish clans. Add in a little sorcery, and Merida’s bravery must be tested to undo a beastly curse. Brave is absolutely inspirational and the perfect film for any woman who knows what it’s like to be in charge of her own fate.
PG, Animation / Same day as DVD

STEP UP REVOLUTION - Premieres November 27
How many STEP UP’S have there been? Twenty? I lost count after the first one, but I’m pretty sure they’ve made about twenty. Regardless I’ve seen all of them. Mainly because “So You Think You Can Dance” told me to. Who doesn’t love shirtless men perfectly executing a pas de deux? Everyone I have ever met can dance, think they can dance, or really wish they could dance. I personally appreciate the fact that Hollywood thinks dancers hang out together in dance gangs and flash mob in response to political unrest. That’s how life should be.
PG-13, Drama / Same day as DVD

THE WATCH - Premieres November 13
I had to add a comedy in here because morally I couldn’t leave you with Step Up Revolution. The Watch follows four men who form a neighborhood watch in order to escape their suburban everyday lives. Being a comedy the gang haphazardly discover that their town has been overrun with aliens posing as regular citizens. It’s like The Stepford Wives but not creepy! Its all-star cast includes Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn and Jonah Hill. With that combo it would be pretty impossible for it not to be hilarious. Just don’t take it to seriously. How could you really? It’s Ben Stiller saving the world from extraterrestrial suburbanites.
R, Comedy / Same day as DVD / 28 days before Netflix

A Film For The Guys That The Babes Will Like:

THE CAMPAIGN - Premieres October 30
First off I don’t think there’s anyone on this planet that can say that the combination of Zach Galifianakis and Will Ferrell is not funny. It’s actually impossible. That being said this film stars Zach Galifianakis and Will Ferrell. Do you get where I’m going with this? It’s funny! In a truly unapologetic, crass, and morally offensive way. Your guys will love this because deep down at the center of their manly core they enjoy lewd, awful, and downright despicable comedy. And you know what? Babes do to. That’s why you need to throw them through a loop by suggesting watching this film for date night. Hand them a beer when you suggest it too. You’ll be their God.
R, Comedy / Same day as DVD, Weeks before Netflix

Babes And Guys:

THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN - Premieres November 9
I know what you’re thinking. Another SPIDER-MAN franchise? So soon? But what about Tobey? I loved the last SPIDER-MAN franchise (SPIDER-MAN 3 is exempt from this love), and I have an unnatural loyalty to the beautiful Tobey Maguire, but this reboot is completely different, absolutely superb, and worth your time. Andrew Garfield plays a younger, neurotic, and darker Peter Parker that is struggling with adolescence just like your average teenager. Unlike your average teenager he has the added bonus of being a superhero. Fun times for an orphan with girl issues! Emma Stone is the perfect Gwen Stacey who rocks a ponytail and knee high boots like no one I’ve ever seen. Garfield and Stone’s chemistry make this film, and they add a sweet romance to an otherwise thrilling action adventure. Needless to say this film is perfect for both babes and guys.
PG-13, Action / Same day as DVD
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New Movies On Demand Preview - For Guys: November 2012November 01, 2012


New Movies On Demand Preview - For Guys: November 2012

On Demand Weekly's Kate Wilson (@KateDoesLifegoes through all the new  movies each month for her New Movies On Demand Preview - For Guys.

 

MOVIES ON DEMAND

Kate’s Top Movies On Demand For The Guys

 

Kate
By Kate Asche Wilson
 
It’s November! The universal month of intense eating. Mainly because of the glorious holiday Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is the most beautiful day because it’s just a day for eating, and that thing about the pilgrims and the Indians, but mostly eating. A lot of times drinking too. Lots of Beer, and lots of happiness. Now when you’re in that awkward stage between binging on mashed potatoes and passing out because all of the tryptophan, why don’t you sit down, relax, and put on a nice Movie on Demand. I’ve got your top November picks already chosen so literally you don’t have to do any work at all. Happy November!
 
Top On Demand Films For Guys:
 
 
THE EXPENDABLES 2 - Premieres November 20
Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Chuck Norris, Bruce Willis, and Arnold Schwarzenegger. This film is essentially action porn, and probably your number one fantasy if you’re the type of guy that feels Call of Duty just gets you. It’s like Christmas! Mixed with bloodthirsty revenge and explosions. This sequel is a contemporary look at the emotional intensity of life and purpose and…no I’m just messing with you. It has guns! Lots and Lots of guns!
R, Action / Same day as DVD

SAVAGES - Premieres November 13
This plot is literally about two well-mannered pot growing bros, Ben (Aaron Taylor-Johnson) and Chon (Taylor Kitsch), who raise the dankest bud, have a ridiculously successful business, and share Blake Lively. Are you serious? This is legitimately the wet dream of every high school senior in California. Throw in some angry Mexicans and you’ve got yourself a racist crime drama that really starts to heat up when Salma Hayek kidnaps Bake Lively. I’m not entirely sure what’s going on with this film, but Blake Lively is naked for half the movie. That’s probably the only thing that matters.
R, Action / Same day as DVD, 28 days before Netflix

THE CAMPAIGN - Premieres October 30
The dream team of Zach Galifianakis and Will Ferrell come together for this comedy about two CEOs who concoct an elaborate scheme to oust the long-term Congressman Cam Brady (Ferrell) by pitting the outrageously naïve Marty Huggins (Galifianakis) against him. It’s a hilarious blend of crude humor and political satire that is so offensive you can’t help but love it. Notable mention to the two corrupt CEOs played by the incomparable Dan Aykroyd and John Lithgow. Comedy royalty right there.
R, Comedy / Same day as DVD, Weeks before Netflix

A Film For The Babes That The Guys Will Like:

THE WATCH - Premieres November 13
It’s Ben Stiller, Jonah Hill, and Vince Vaughn fighting aliens that have overrun their small suburban town. Also it’s a comedy that you can watch that your babe will like. Really I put it on their list! It’s funny, the actors are great, and it has unexpected extraterrestrial life forms. Really guys be thankful that I didn’t suggest STEP UP REVOLUTION. You’re welcome.

Guys and Babes:

THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN - Premieres November 9
I know what you’re thinking. Another Spider-Man franchise? So soon? But what about Tobey? I loved the last SPIDER-MAN franchise (SPIDER-MAN 3 is exempt from this love) and I have an unnatural loyalty to the beautiful Tobey Maguire, but this reboot is completely different, absolutely superb, and worth your time. Andrew Garfield plays a younger, neurotic, and darker Peter Parker that is struggling with adolescence just like your average teenager. Unlike your average teenager he has the added bonus of being a superhero. Fun times for an orphan with girl issues! Emma Stone is the perfect Gwen Stacey who rocks a ponytail and knee high boots like no one I’ve ever seen. Garfield and Stone’s chemistry make this film, and adds a sweet romance to an otherwise thrilling action adventure. Needless to say this film is perfect for both guys and babes.
PG-13, Action / Same day as DVD
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