On Demand Weekly

On Demand Weekly provides new movie reviews of hot movies on demand from the POV of watching from the comfort of your home. Today’s review: NORTHEAST (Tribeca Film).

Hipster men: prepare for celibacy. The writer and director of NORTHEAST has pointed his camera at you. Your cover is blown. When you’re at a party talking about your film project, your photography or your found object art or not talking at all because being cute and mysterious gets you laid, you still know that you spend your days killing time and producing next to nothing. Hey don’t change, but since you partied your way through a certain Ivy in Ithaca (via the Ag School), graduating without any debt, but also without any education, what else could you do anyway? Whatever but don’t see this film with the chick you’re trying to shag or she might see who you really are: a loser.

It’s easy to watch this film expecting that it’s actually about its protagonist, Will. That’s what we expect when we watch a movie: the protagonist does stuff, we relate to some of the experiences he has and wish we could experience others. Sometimes its even fun to identify with bad guy or girl – we can even root for them. Unfortunately just about everyone is going to watch NORTHEAST this way and then wind up confused because the story is so, to be polite, sparse. This is not a movie about Will.

NORTHEAST is dating manual. It’s a red flag. It’s an older brother telling you that you should know better. If you’ve ever lived in Portland or Berkeley or Austin or Brooklyn and dated a cool guy who didn’t have a real job because he was trying to achieve his “vision,” this movie will mean much more to you that to the rest of us. You’ll remember how cute he was and how you romanticized the bravery it took for him to reject materialism and financial security. You’ll also remember that he stopped returning your calls and pretty much ignored you after you slept with him a few times. If you haven’t yet been charmed by a Will in real life, you’ll watch this movie and wonder why anyone would give the time of day to this boring zero on the road to nowhere. But now you’ll know how to identify him at the next party before you’re drawn into his bullshit.